CPAP Accessories Nobody Is Waiting For

[James @ Intus]

Everybody here has an opinion on how machines and masks or accessories should be... Let's flip that around and think of some crap ideas that nobody needs, just for fun

I'll start it off, let's write them in a serious style as if they were real inventions... Bonus for dumb names!

"CPAP Wig-Gear"

CPAP mask headgear meets wig. No more ugly looking straps over your bald head as the CPAP Wig-Gear incorporates a "deluxe" set of universal CPAP mask headgear straps as well as a wig, available in 6 colours including Geriatric-grey, Posh-purple and Red-hot Red. Made from premium strands of hair hand-picked from only the best Cornish salons, the CPAP Wig-Gear is the must-have fashion accessory to CPAP in 2011. Just £99.99 inc VAT.

[symmit]

Cpap Smoking Apparatus

An individual water-pipe for smoking Tobacco, or other "smokable herbal products" - complete with one way valve and pressure sensor so it's only open when you inhale.

Why give up your favourite habit just because you've got to have a machine to breathe for you!

May aid weight loss in conjuction with a calorie controlled diet, or as an adjunct to the future chemotherapy you'll need for the lung cancer.

Only 99.99 inc VAT - no credit terms...

[Sparticus]

Minty!

New Breath freshner for that Minty Mask feeling

Why not try the new breath freshner from GumRot Inc. No more smelly mask just minty fresh air being pumped directly back into your mask. Comes in 3 fruity flavours. Mint, pine, and Wood

[James @ Intus]

AHI-TXT

New! Get an SMS TXT-message when an apnoea event occurs. Don't be left in the dark about the results of your CPAP therapy. Sign up to AHI-TXT, CPAP edition. Compatible with most modern CPAP machines, setting up AHI-TXT is easy. Get notified instantly, when you have a leak, or above a pre-set AHI treshold so you can do something about it. You can now also add your mom's telephone number, so she can be kept up to date too. Possibilities are endless with AHI-TXT. Soon compatible with the universal CPAP-data-printer, a dot matrix printer that, like an earthquake graph printer, provides continues blow by blow statistics throughout the night.

be informed, be healthy TM

[Wombara]

AHI-Social (Optional Extra to AHI-TXT)

Are you a social animal and live your life on the Internet. Let AHI-Social take the hassle out of posting your status on social networks like facebook and twitter.

AHI-Social will update all your social networks with your sleep status every five seconds through the night.

With simple updates, such as 'Bob is breathing' and 'Bob is not breathing', AHI-Social will make sure you continue to fill your online accounts with updates all night long.

[Sparticus]

Hair Guards For CPAP users

Having problems with leaks? Fed up waking with your hair in a mess?

Then why not buy the new Hair Guard, comes with easy attachments and full Instruction. Wake up with Hair you went to bed with.

[Sparticus]

CPAP For The Rich & Famous

Harrods today launched thier new CPAP & APAP tents comes with full diagnostics display as you sleep, full preasure settings with adjustable heat, anti-gale settings and full stale smell filter extractors. Pota Loo's can also be fitted to ease the problems of waking in the night for the bathroom and comes with full cathater accessories & instructions. Speaking to one of the early customers a James Intus, we ask him how the new machines match up to the more portable set-ups:

The new tent is fantastic, no more having to pee in the night as the new "Cough" Tubed Porta loo is stunning, drink as much as you like it wont matter and the new display moniter will tell you everything from preaure to AHI to VSI. It also comes with an audio siren for any events happening or the wife takes more than her share of the duvet. A real genious piece of kit and for $110,000 its cheap enough for anyone to afford.

So there you have it, if you have sleeping problems and are under the NHS then these really are "Out of your reach"

[Berneta]

Cyborg Sleep Apnea Miracle Cure

The newest in Sleep Apnea Cure is now at your disposal. Each Miracle Pill Prescription comes with a 3 month's supply of Miracle Sleep Apnea Pills---one of which will put you in dreamland whenever you wish. No cumbersome helmets, machinery, bumbags, or invasive procedures needed. Just perfect sleep with no side effects. You will wake refreshed and full of energy. And for a small extra fee-- your prescription will include a beautiful lifelike Cyborg Companion (male or female) who will serve all your needs. When not in use the Perfect Cyborg Companion will store quietly in a closet until needed. For those special times when you would like more than one Cyborg Companion--just call Intus for one or more of the newest Beautiful Cyborg Models to try out on a Free Trial Basis, Call James of Intus for more information. Intus--For All Your Sleep Apnea Needs!

[Grumpy]

CPAP Moisturiser kit

Slip our new dispenser inside your cpap tubing and every time you get rain-out you get a facial!
Special bonus pack of dispenser and 5 cartridges (normally £3.99 each) for just £32.99. Limited time offer.
Not compatable with slim-line tubing. May cause choking if swallowed.

[Sparticus]

Intus

Intus become the new sponsors of SWFC

Probably the greatest football team in the world



A Little Birdie Told me hahahahahahaha

[Grumpy]

Intus sponsor SWFC

be careful what you ask for!

[mart9012]

Maybe a hair and make up kit would be good. I'm a bit fed up with waking up with mask lines, dents in my forehead (lobotomy marks) and strap tracks in my hair. I must look particularly scary in the morning...

[Berneta]

Morning Fright

Hi Martin, I have just the other side of morning fright. I wake up with my hair smooth on the top and sides--and curly just under where the back strap fits. Usually no facial marks as I have mastered the art of proper tension in the straps. At first I didn't get proper tension, and I woke up with my hair in spikes---kinda "Goth" looking. Made me want to wear my Dragon Earrings. I bet you're a sight in the mornings! LOL x Berneta

[Sparticus]

Face

My face looks more like its been spanked several times in the morning and as for my hair I have none as I shave it off lol and sometimes I go to work with my mask still on as it can be quite comfy lol



hahahahahaha lol

[Mentalfog]

Introducing a new revolution in full face masks! The latest "must have" from Mesred.. This mask has been extended up the face to incorporate built in prescription sunglasses!! Now you can safely take a nap on the beach without damaging your eyes! Look cool this year with Mesred's latest designs