Psychoapnea

[Sparticus]

....and how are you feeling today?

What effect did it have on you when you were told that you have O.S.A.? Was it one of releif or did you panic and are you still shy wearing your mask in front of your family. I dont think that the mental side of this condition has been discussed much on the forum and I would like to know how people have been coping with issues.

For myself it was one of fascination. probably not one of the usual symptoms of being told your ill. Ive always had a fascination of dreams and sleep and to become a subject of it was quite thrilling at first. Mentally I beleive that I have conquered this condition and now class myself as cured. I have been through most of the psychological issues of osa and learnt to control them except one! Earlier this year I had to rush down to England to my fathers bedside in Boston hospital, where I got to spend 2 hours with him before he died. My father had Lung cancer and when I arrived at the hospital he was on pure oxygen with a fullface mask and struggling to breath, to say I was devasted 2 hours later was an understatement. I had lost my friend and my father.

So now 10 months on, everytime I don my mask, I see my father lying there dying with his mask on stuggling to breath. (Still hurts 10 months on)

I would think that I am not the first person to have psychological issues with osa. I beleive that one day it will fade and when I put my mask on, I will see my father smiling back at me, giving me cause to smile instead of the pain I get at the moment.

I beleive I am one of the lucky ones in the uk because when I visit my clinic we have a chance to talk about issues such as these and the staff are always there willing to listen and to give advise. My issue is a problem for my osa but not with my health as I beleive it to be a healing process.

I think that there are issues out there that are not addressed with osa and like mine some will be painfull and some will be uncontrolable (mask removal) but I urge anyone going through problems like these and ones that are not mentioned is to talk, to find a way to open up and tell someone because it does help you in the long run.

I have named my problem as "Psychoapnea" and beleive that it is a real condition and it should be discussed more openly on the forum, all it needs is you to take that first step like me. It wont be met with ridicule or laughter just a sympathectic ear and hopefully sound advise and if being open for you is too much at the moment then please feel free to PM me and if I can, I will gladly help in anyway I can. Dont suffer in silence, like me.

Graham

[Nukkamtti]

I was just relieved there was an explanation for all those hours in bed. My over-riding problem is that there is so much I need to be doing (work, domestic) and so many things I want to be doing (writing which is part work and part hobby has ceased almost entirely and all my hobbies are in abeyance) that I can't stand the loss of time. 52 hour days would be about right for me, not 12 hour ones. So that's just an aggravated version of a normal feeling rather than what you are talking about.

The sleep lab I went to is far too far away for me to visit and anyway I am not sure they would see me - it seemed very busy as it was without people dropping in but I am very glad to hear you are getting this support.

So, I don't have those psychological feelings but I do have tremendous sympathy for your memories of your father and I thought you expressed them very poignantly here and wish you all the best in getting to the stage where you see smiles rather than feeling pain.

[Sparticus]

I was just relieved there was an explanation for all those hours in bed. My over-riding problem is that there is so much I need to be doing (work, domestic) and so many things I want to be doing (writing which is part work and part hobby has ceased almost entirely and all my hobbies are in abeyance) that I can't stand the loss of time. 52 hour days would be about right for me, not 12 hour ones. So that's just an aggravated version of a normal feeling rather than what you are talking about.

The sleep lab I went to is far too far away for me to visit and anyway I am not sure they would see me - it seemed very busy as it was without people dropping in but I am very glad to hear you are getting this support.

So, I don't have those psychological feelings but I do have tremendous sympathy for your memories of your father and I thought you expressed them very poignantly here and wish you all the best in getting to the stage where you see smiles rather than feeling pain.

Thanks Nukk, I too am a writer and have been published in magazines and in books but like you said we need at least 50 hours in the day just to get round to it

[Berneta]

Relief

When I found out that I had Sleep Apnea it was a great relief. To find out that there was a real reason for staying up all night long and dozing off and on all day--a reason for being so tired that I didn't want to do anything--some times I didn't even want to get out of bed--and going places was out of the question. I was just too tired. Too tired to cook, read, clean house, do hobbies--even a nice dinner out with my hubby didn't happen for 10 years. I kept telling my former DR that I was so fatigued all the time-- but it didn't sink in with him. He just said it was my age and diabetes. When I finally changed Drs and spent my first night on a CPAP in the Sleep Study-- it all changed. I slept for 7 hours and woke up feeling like someone had turned the sun up brighter. I was not tired at all--and was thrilled,excited, it seemed unreal. It was a miracle! I had been pulled out of a dark dismal hole into the light, All the blessings in the world had been bestowed upon me. I even looked different in the mirror. My spirit was shinning through. I have no mental problems with using the CPAP or mask. MY family is supportive. The first time my husband saw me in the mask was fun. I was sitting on my bed trying on my mask, and he was outside my window tending flowers. He stood up and looked in --looked a bit surprised-- and then he asked. "Hey lady, what planet are you from?" I asked if he wanted to come in and play.
Life changed that day-- I am not tired all the time, I go places and do things that I had not done in years. Getting back to being my sassy self again. The CPAP has been a miracle for me--it gave me back my life. I am only sorry it didn't happen 10 years ago. Any problems that come up now, I will deal with. I don't have any Psych problems with the CPAP or Mask--but I realize that its different for everyone. Might be harder for someone who is single and trying to find a mate- or who might be having a lot of CPAP problems. This is a good thread-- I'm glad someone posted it. Best wishes to All. xBerneta

[Sparticus]

The Eureka Moment

Nice one Berneta, a real nice story with a happy ending, Im curious though, when you asked him to come and play, did you get the twister out or was it a game of chess I beleive that its these kind of stories that give you hope, I never got a eurika moment it just gradualy got better. I know for me it will get easier as in the past few years I have lost so many people, my son, my grandson, father in-law, Mother in-law, brother and sister in-law and now my dad. I was quite thankfull of the nightmares that I missed but yet again I will overcome my grief and the passing of someone close but enough of me.....

10 years was a long time to wait Berneta and if only your doctor had known but again theres no use dwelling on the past, you got there in the end I'm very happy for you

Graham

[Berneta]

Dreams and CPAP

Hi Graham, I wish I could tell you that you missed a lot of nightmares about the deaths that you mentioned. During that last 10 years (and over a period of many years) I lost many people too including Both My Parents, Grandparents, several Aunts, Both my In-Laws, a Baby, and two Sisters. I thought I had done with my all my grief a long time ago--but I found that the Brain-- when getting enough sleep at last-- brings back the memories in dreams. Mind you not in the form of terrible grief--at least not for me. Each memory gets tucked away in its proper place. Once on the CPAP, I began to dream again--and I eventually dreamed of all of those who had passed on before me. Not horrible dreams or nightmares mind you--they were pleasant dreams. Dreams of family gatherings in which those who had passed were present, alive, and happy. Good times and funny happenings. Sometimes when I would wake from a dream about them--it was difficult to believe that they were already gone. But slowly I came to the point where I could deal with their loss. Some sorrow yes, and some tears--but a lot of happy memories to balance it all out. I hope it will be that way for you too when your mind decides you are strong enough to deal with the past. Maybe you will see your father smile at you and your mask. I don't believe that those who have loved us, want us to grieve forever--there is a time of peace coming, and you will find yours when you are ready. I think I missed a lot of things in my life because I believe I have had Sleep Apnea since I was a child. I am just glad that I finally found a Dr who was intelligent enough to understand what I needed. I was blessed. Good luck, and good progress to you. x Berneta

[Sparticus]

Its the happy memories that keep us going, nice words berneta and again thank you.