how can i get my husband to wear his cpap?

[shatteredwife]

hello,
towards the end of last year my husband was diagnosed with severe sleep apnea. he was given a cpap with a mask that went up over his nose, he hardly wore it complaining about it, so at a follow up appointment was given a humidifier attatchement, which he also said he didnt like. he was then given a different mask, it covers his mouth and has 2 'nozzles' that go slightly into each nostrel. he said its so much better-but still very rarely wears it!!!!
he'll only wear it when ive given up going on at him and kick him out the bed. as im not his mum i dont want to keep nagging him, since i gave up doing so a couple of weeks ago he's worn it twice, and only for a couple of hours each time.
his sleeping is getting worse-he even fell asleep eating his lunch when we were in a restaurant a few days ago. this is worrying me as im scared about where else he may fall asleep. he doesnt take our children out much while im at work as he's too sleepy.......
i wasnt at any of his appointments but from what he's said i dont believe he's been told much about the condition, yet also doesnt seem interested in googling it.

any advice much appreciated
thankyou

[Tigers Fan]

Take the car keys from him for sure and consider kicking him out of bed and the bedroom until he uses the gear all night, every night.

He is taking huge risks not using CPAP and is not permitted to drive by Law.

TF

[shatteredwife]

sounds harsh, but quite probably whats needed, will start with the kicking him out the bed everynight.
my mum also suggested taking car keys off him, cuz he's lazy and doesnt walk anywhere, but i didnt want 2 take it that far. i'll give him a week (tho wont tell him or anyone we know) and if he's still not wearing it, bye bye car. at the moment he stays awake whilst concentrating on important stuff-eg at work, driving...but who knows
thanks

[ElleCee]

Could you not say that his snoring is driving you apart and when he uses the mask at least you get a good nights sleep?
Where in the UK are you? What car does he drive? What colour is it? I want to know who to stay well clear of!
Remind him that it can cause many other very serious health problems if he doesn't use it.
Good luck and hope le listens soon
Lorraine

[Berneta]

Out Cold

HI wifey, I DON'T suggest that you kick him out of bed or bar him from the bedroom--that will just cause more problems between the two of you. And what if some night he stops breathing and you are not there to wake him up? You might feel very guilty about that. I suggest that you sit him down (in a calm mood) and explain to him how serious his condition is--and that you don't want to have to live without him and a good relationship. Tell him you ARE taking his car keys until he is in compliance with the authorities on wearing the CPAP and being a safe driver. THAT will probably tell him how serious that you think his problem is. If he argues about it --tell him you will have his license revoked. The safety of everyone is at risk while he drives sleepy. Most of all--let him know how much he means to you and the children. AND_NAG IF YOU HAVE TO. You should make him see what a danger OSA can pose without showing him non-support. Which would probably only make matters worse. Good Luck, Berneta

[shatteredwife]

He told his insurance company about it but also told them he has a cpap so they said its no problem. Iv told him its an.offence not 2 tell dvla (esp after reading it online yesterday) so will def b nagging him about that til he tells them!!!! I dont think he's been told much about the condition, and i only know the bits i've read online...i dont suppose anyone could highlight a few of the potential risks 4 me please? Even last night whilst i was on the computer telling him a few bits of what i was reading about it i still had 2 tell him a few times 2 put it on b4 he did (he kept falling asleep of course). With a job, house 2 look sfter, 5 and 3 year old, being 7 months pregnant and getting very little/no help with it (he's always so tired at home, yet when i work with him he's fine there), im exhausted so 2 b honest his smoring doesnt keep.me awake anymore and im also not kept awake listening out 4 his breathing as am asleep myself. During the day when he's asleep im carrying on with other things, so again im not listening 4 it. Does that make me cruel? I dont know. What i do know is this cant carry on, its not good 4 any of us...

[Fredxx]

Have a look at the British Snoring website, Loads of information about the effects on the snorer and those around them.

There is also an article on the BMJ website (British Medical Journal) which is lists the following as being conditions where OSA appears to increase the risks:

Systemic hypertension
Arrhythmias, ischaemic heart disease, and left ventricular hypertrophy
Pulmonary hypertension and right heart failure
Stroke
Road traffic accidents

[Tigers Fan]

Not only, but also -

I think the fine for not reporting OSA to the DVLA is £10,000. This is usually imposed when things come to light after an RTA - road traffic accident.

Like so many of us, he claims to be alert when driving - but a large proportion of RTAs have sleep disorder as the causative reason. That is why you are not permitted to drive until you can demonstrate you are being successfully treated.

TF

[Berneta]

Not Aware

Hi Wife, no you are not cruel if you are not "aware" of his breathing--you are exhausted. You can't do everything up to speed when you have so much to do. We all talk about the problems of CPAP wearers--but don't often mention the effects on the partner and children. Not wearing the CPAP makes your partner fatigued all the time--placing a greater burden on you. Children often are confused about the changes taking place between their parents-- and the changes in the parent with OSA. Trying to explain to them, in language that a child understands, will help. Do talk to them--even the 3 year old--- as not knowing what is happening, can be even more frightening to the children. No doubt that they have noticed his falling asleep at odd times, and that he may be grumpier than usual. He will no doubt be too tired to play with them r go places with them. OSA has a way of shattering families. Under NO circumstances is he to drive with the children--bad enoungh to drive alone, and risk his life and the lives of others. He may think that he can drive safely--which could be true for a short distance. But the longer he drives the sleepier he will get. You know yourself how a short drive can put a tired child to sleep--well it works that way on OSA too. It would be good if you could enlist the aid of a grandmother, or sister, or friend-- in helping you. Being pregnant right now places even more of a burden on you. Having someone who can help with the children would make a lot of difference, even if its only a few hours a day or in the evening. Or maybe they could do laundry, shopping, or pay bills for you--thus giving you a little free time to rest. Wishing you luck. xx Berneta

[shatteredwife]

i think my researching on the net and telling him little facts may be having an effect on him-today he found out how to contact the dvla about it (after again saying his insurance company told him its ok)-usually it takes him weeks to get around to things, but he got on to it as soon as he got up this morning!!! AND after a bit he did put his CPAP on last night-and wore it ALL night!!!!!! :-)

am about to go do some more research-thanks for the links!! which i'll write down for him (with links incase he thinks im making any of the side affects up), he's at work now, and im at work at stupid o'clock in the morning so will leave it somewhere 4 him 2 read in the morning

though i have my doubts, here's hoping it was the 1st of many CPAP filled nights!!!! :-)

[shatteredwife]

bmj website-fantastic!!!!!!!!!!!!
and suprising-my husband has the severe disease, but in moderate sufferers digeredoo playing has been proven to help!!
thankyou fredxx

[Fredxx]

Don't forget to tell him about here - a supportive community to help him with the niggles he has with it!

[Sparticus]

Grow up!

I think some people on here need to take their heads out of their arses! This man needs some understanding not preaching too! Cant do this cant do that, breaking the law, PISH!!!!

Try asking him whats wrong and listen to what he has to say and take it from there. There probably is some reason behind his refusal to wear his equipment but try to be understanding. I undertand what he's going through as I have gone the same way. I do not use any equipment anymore havent done for some time.

[Dirty Trucker 68]

Before i write this i must stress this is in no way a personal dig at the person mentioned in this thread!!!!!

I hope your husband like me has notified the DVLA as it is a offence not to,I also have sleep ap but i have never fallen asleep during the day!!!My problem is i used to stop breathing during the night.But it really makes me MAD that ive been totally honest with the DVLA and they have revoked all my licences!!!! Although ive now been fully compliant with their guide lines for sometime,im still battleing to get my licences reinstated!!!
I hope your husband can get on with Cpap,and untill he can he should give up driveing because he is probabley more of a danger than a drunk driver!!! Which i dont condone either.

[Richard]

Hi DT,

If I recall correctly, you have only been on CPAP Therapy since last March, which in OSA/DVLA terms is not that long.

Unless you have already received the DVLA's full and final decision in writing, and since the vast majority of drivers have their licences returned once they're shown to be compliant, I would recommend you get in touch with your clinic and ask if there's a problem in dealing with the DVLA.

I am told by one or two people that the DVLA are not the most efficient administration, so if you are taking the view that because you haven't heard from them, you therefore believe your licence has been revoked, be patient, phone them and see if there is any delay.

Best of luck

Richard